I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
