I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
