she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
