I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
