but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
