Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
