Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize