do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
