im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
