that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
