last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
