I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just gift wrapped bread.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
