This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am one with the molecules
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
