Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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