doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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