I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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