I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
