no, he came in my armpit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
