his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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