Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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