My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
