Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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