you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
