Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
