I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
