im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's like iHOP with fire
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize