I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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