Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
