yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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