He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
