New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
