Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize