I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just pee around me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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