Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
