This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
