Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize