i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
