Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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