Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
