Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
