My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
