He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
