9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sober January is a disaster.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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