im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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