I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
