so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
