The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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