The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
