brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
