you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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