My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
