Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
