also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
