Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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