angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
