drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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