is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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