Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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