I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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