Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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