Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
