the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize