Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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