You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was CRYING into my vagina
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
