I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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