i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
