Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
