I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
