Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
