For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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