You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
