I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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