Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
