in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
