We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
