That's intense
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
