there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
