I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
